“They threw a toy again” — what should you do in that moment?
Your child throws a block, cup or remote control, and the atmosphere at home immediately becomes tense. You may worry about safety, damage or whether this behaviour will become an everyday occurrence. It is no surprise that raising your voice can be your first instinct.
In practice, a calm and consistent response is most helpful. You do not need to work out within seconds why your child threw something. First, stop the situation, and only then try to understand what felt difficult for them.
Throwing objects can happen for many reasons in toddlers and preschoolers. Sometimes a child is angry, sometimes they cannot cope with being told no, and sometimes they are simply tired, hungry or very overstimulated. Throwing can also be a quick response to an emotion they cannot yet put into words.
In this article, you will find a simple action plan: what to do straight away, how to talk once your child has calmed down, and how to reduce these situations in everyday life.
What might be behind throwing objects?
When a toy lands on the floor or flies towards another person, it is easy to see it as deliberate misbehaviour. However, that thought usually only increases the tension. It can help to see the behaviour as a signal: your child is struggling, but does not yet know how to show it in a safer way.
Your child may throw things when something is not working out, when they hear “no”, or when they have to stop an activity they enjoy. A strong reaction may also happen after a long day, in a noisy place or just before a meal. Not every situation will look the same.
It is often worth checking whether any of the following may be playing a part:
- anger or frustration - for example, a construction has fallen down or an adult has said no to another cartoon;
- tiredness - especially at the end of the day or after busy activities;
- hunger and thirst - a child may react more intensely before they recognise this need themselves;
- too much noise and stimulation - a shop, travelling or a large family gathering;
- excitement - some children throw things when they are having a great time, too;
- a need for connection - especially if a child does not know how else to ask for attention.
This does not mean you need to allow throwing. You can acknowledge the emotion while also stopping the behaviour. For example: “I can see you are very angry. I won’t let you throw blocks.”
This kind of message does not judge your child. It clearly communicates what is unsafe and where the boundary lies.
Before the object flies — notice the earlier signs
Throwing rarely happens completely without warning. Sometimes, a few minutes beforehand, your child becomes more irritable, starts shouting over small difficulties or refuses to cooperate. In other children, tension may show through clenched hands, a stiff body or sudden silence.
This is not about watching your child constantly or predicting every difficult moment. It is enough to notice a few situations that keep repeating. This makes it easier to respond earlier, before emotions become overwhelming.
Check when the problem comes back
For a few days, you can make brief notes on your phone. They do not need to be detailed — two or three sentences after the situation are enough. Over time, a clear pattern may emerge.
Make a note of:
- What was happening before the object was thrown?
For example: playtime ending, being told no, noise, a conflict with a sibling or being in a rush.
- What time was it, and where were you?
Does it happen repeatedly in the evening, after preschool, in a shop or before lunch?
- What helped your child calm down?
Perhaps they needed movement, water, quiet, a cuddle or a moment beside you.
Try not to judge yourself or your child. These notes are meant to make everyday decisions easier, not to find someone to blame.
How to respond when your child throws a toy: a step-by-step plan
First, tell the situations apart
Not every instance of throwing means the same thing. If your child is exploring during play and seeing how a light toy rolls or falls, move close and show them a safe rule: “You can throw this ball into the basket, but we put blocks down on the floor.” You can then play together with a soft ball, tossing it into a basket or box.
Respond differently if your child angrily throws things at people or reaches for a hard, heavy or dangerous object. In that case, stop the situation straight away, move the object away and say briefly: “I won’t let you throw things at people. I’m putting this away so everyone stays safe.” Only return to talking about what happened once your child has calmed down.
In a difficult moment, a simple pattern works best. Long explanations can wait, because a child experiencing strong emotions will not be able to process many words anyway. First, focus on what is happening here and now.
1. Keep people and the surroundings safe first
If your child is holding a heavy, hard or glass object, move it out of reach. If other children, pets or older people are nearby, move them to a safe place. You do not need to do this abruptly — what matters is acting decisively.
If an object has hit someone on the head, face or another sensitive area, check whether they need help. Seek medical advice if there is severe pain, bleeding, significant swelling or other worrying symptoms.
At this point, do not ask, “Why did you do that?” First, stop the risk.
2. Limit access to things that can be thrown
You can calmly take away the toy or place it somewhere higher up. If your child tries to throw more things, remove anything nearby that could cause harm. There is no need to snatch the item from their hand or pull at your child.
At home, sometimes it is enough to move to another room or sit somewhere quieter for a moment. When you are out, you can step away from crowds, shop shelves or the playground. A change of place often reduces stimulation.
3. Say one short sentence
When emotions are running high, choose a simple message. Say it in a low, calm voice and do not add a long explanation.
You could use phrases such as:
- “I won’t let you throw things.”
- “Stop. I’m putting this away.”
- “We don’t throw things at people.”
- “I’m taking the toy away to keep everyone safe.”
- “You can be angry, but you cannot hurt people.”
You do not need to repeat the sentence many times. One clear boundary followed by action usually sounds calmer and is easier to understand.
4. Return to the conversation once your child is calm
Wait until your child has slowed down a little: they stop shouting, begin to respond or are able to sit beside you. Only then describe the situation in simple words. You might say, “I think you really did not want playtime to end,” or “There was too much noise all at once.”
Then offer one alternative for next time. Do not overwhelm your child with questions or suggestions. One small step that they can remember is enough.
For example:
- “Next time, say: ‘Help me.’”
- “When you feel angry, you can stamp your feet.”
- “If you want to throw something, we can use a soft ball.”
- “You can put the toy next to me when you have had enough.”
When a child throws things at people, the situation needs a quick boundary
Throwing something towards another person needs to be stopped immediately. Do not wait for your child to calm themselves if someone could be hit. Step between your child and the other person, put the object away and say briefly: “I won’t let you throw things at people.”
There is no need to shame your child or tell them they are “naughty”. The behaviour is unsafe, but your child still needs a calm adult beside them. You can combine the boundary with naming the emotion: “I can see you are furious. I’m here with you, but I won’t let you throw things.”
At home: prepare the space for more difficult moments
If throwing happens regularly, it is worth simplifying the environment. Keep heavy decorations, glassware and sharp objects out of your child’s reach. This is not a punishment or an overreaction — it is simply about keeping everyone safe.
It can also help to limit the number of toys available at one time. When there are fewer things around, it is easier to manage the situation. You can put some toys away and rotate them every few days.
As tension rises, offer a simple change:
- moving to a quieter room;
- a few jumps or rolling on the carpet;
- throwing a soft ball into a basket;
- a drink of water;
- a moment of quiet beside you.
In a shop, waiting room or playground: keep it simple
Being in public can bring extra stress because other people are watching. Try not to make decisions based on their reactions. The most important thing is the safety of your child and those nearby, not how the situation looks from the outside.
Move close, take away the object and say, “Stop, we don’t throw that. Let’s step aside for a moment.” If you can, go somewhere quieter. Sometimes a sip of water, a short walk or a simple task, such as holding a light bag, can help.
When you return home or once your child has calmed down, you can consider what felt too difficult. Perhaps the outing lasted too long, your child was hungry or there was too much noise around.
How can you teach your child what to do instead of throwing?
New strategies are best taught when everyone is calm. In the middle of anger, your child does not have the space to practise long sentences or analyse their behaviour. A brief conversation while building blocks, on a walk or before bedtime will be much more helpful.
Start with one simple phrase. For a younger child, this might be a gesture, picture or word: “help”, “stop”, “no”. An older child can practise phrases such as: “I’m angry”, “I need a break” or “I can’t do it”.
Give your child ready-made options
Instead of asking, “What do you want to do?”, show two safe options. It is easier to choose something specific than to come up with a solution independently in a tense moment.
You could say:
- “Would you rather throw a ball into the basket or stamp your feet?”
- “Would you like to cuddle a pillow or sit beside me?”
- “Would you rather say ‘help me’ or point?”
- “Do you need water or a short break?”
See which solutions your child accepts. One child may prefer movement, another a moment of quiet, and another may like squeezing a pillow or modelling dough firmly.
Create a safe space for movement and emotions
Your child does not need to stop feeling anger or excitement. Instead, they need to learn what they can do with that tension without throwing hard objects. It helps when safe options are available straight away.
You could prepare:
- a soft ball and a basket or box as a target;
- pillows to squeeze and cuddle;
- modelling dough to knead;
- old sheets of paper to tear up;
- clear space for jumping, stamping or brisk walking.
It is important to clearly separate these activities from throwing objects at home. You can say: “We don’t throw blocks. You can throw the ball into the basket.”
Consequences after throwing a toy — how to set a boundary without shaming?
A consequence does not have to mean a harsh punishment. Its purpose is to show your child what happens after an object is used in an unsafe way. If a toy has been thrown, it may be unavailable for a while.
Say calmly: “I’m putting the car away because it was used for throwing. We can come back to it later.” A short break is usually enough, especially for a younger child. Taking away a favourite toy for the whole day is often no longer connected in their mind to what happened earlier.
Once your child is calm, it is also worth returning to the effects of what happened. If blocks are scattered, your child can help pick them up. If something has been spilled, they can bring a cloth. If an object has been damaged, you can check together whether it can be repaired.
This teaches a simple message: after a difficult moment, you can put things right and try a different approach next time.
What is best to avoid?
Some reactions may give a temporary feeling of control, but they usually do not help your child learn new behaviour. Try to avoid:
- shouting and long lectures;
- making fun of your child;
- calling them “bad” or “naughty”;
- threats unrelated to the situation;
- forcing an apology when your child is still very upset;
- giving the toy back immediately, without maintaining the boundary.
Instead of saying only, “Say sorry!”, you could try: “Let’s see what we can do now.” Your child may help, bring something that is needed or simply reconnect when they are ready.
How can you reduce these situations in everyday life?
It is not possible to avoid difficult emotions completely. However, you can give your child more opportunities for rest, movement and calm connection. This often reduces the tension that might otherwise come out through throwing.
In practice, it is worth taking care of a few simple things:
- give advance warning that playtime is ending: “In five minutes, we will tidy up the blocks”;
- offer water and a small snack before a longer outing;
- give your child a little time to rest after preschool or school;
- reduce rushing where you can;
- plan at least a few minutes of shared attention each day without correcting your child;
- share the same short response rules with other caregivers.
Predictability is especially helpful when plans change. If the plan changes suddenly, name it in advance: “We’re not going to the playground today because it is raining. After lunch, we’ll make an obstacle course at home.”
This is not about planning a perfect day. It is enough for your child to know more often what to expect and where they can find support.
When is it worth speaking to a paediatrician or psychologist?
Throwing toys every day does not necessarily mean there is a serious problem. However, it is worth seeking advice if the behaviour is frequent, intense or difficult to manage despite calm, consistent responses at home.
Consider speaking with a paediatrician or psychologist if:
- your child regularly hurts themselves or others;
- they often use heavy or dangerous objects;
- damage at home is serious;
- the difficult behaviours clearly interfere with life at preschool, school or in relationships;
- you notice that your child finds it very hard to return to calm over a longer period;
- you feel the situation is overwhelming or causing you concern.
A consultation can help you organise your observations and look at the situation more broadly. It is not a judgement of your parenting or a label for your child.
Summary
When your child throws things, begin by protecting people and the surroundings. Then set a brief boundary, without shouting or shaming: “I won’t let you throw things.” Save the conversation about emotions and other options for when the tension has eased.
Over time, your child can learn to ask for help, take a break, stamp their feet, squeeze a pillow or throw a soft ball in a designated place. It does not have to work the first time — what matters is calmly repeating the same rules.
If you would like to organise your situation and consider the next steps, fill in the BehaviorComplainer consultation form.
Sources
- American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), “Top Tips for Surviving Tantrums”.
- American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), “What’s the Best Way to Discipline My Child?”.
- National Health Service (NHS), “Dealing with child behaviour problems”.
